The Chinese kid that shares my belly

"Eat your vegetables. There are kids starving in China!" That's what my mom would say when I wouldn't eat my vegetables or finish my rice. Everybody knows that Chinese kids like rice, and through some loophole in my mother's logic, she has determined that if I clean my plate, certain inequities will be leveled, transferring the extra food in my belly to youthful Chinese bellies until those kids have to let out their belts along with me (assuming they actually wear belts in China).

I certainly hope they have pockets in China because that's where the food ended up half of the time...except for creme corn because that tended to run down my leg. I just couldn't figure out why mom made those extra vegetables instead of something good like fried chicken or cake. What good are veggies when you have Centrum or One-A-Day? I told her that I was sure those kids would rather share my belly full of cake and chicken nuggets than some smelly brocoli any day.

I used to stay awake some nights, worried that Chinese kid who shared my belly might eat something I was allergic to. Later, I would go on to have thoughts of applying for some kind of Chinese-American scholarship or at least some government aid, since I was eating for two.

There was always too much to eat. Forget about fruits and veggies, I needed vitamin "M" in large quantities. That's right, meat. If Mr. Atkins was the meat devil, he'd find no better playground ripe for sin than America. Our god has a first name. It's O.S.C.A.R. He has a second name. It's M.E.Y.E.R. - M.E... me... Y... why me? E.R...why am I in the ER? Probably because my veins are clogged with animal butter from my daily dose of the meat IV. Maybe I'm exaggerating a little...

Curse of the jade scorpion

I've seen this happen in the movies and TV many times, and I never understand it. There's a guy and a girl, and they both really like each other but neither one will admit it. The girl is all about the guy and gives him all these chances, but he still says nothing. I keep thinking, "dude, why don't you just say the one thing that's on your mind." Be happy, get on with your life. Put yourself out there just one time and everything will be all right. At the end of the movie everything works out. It's not as easy when you try it in real life.

It's safer if every thing stays the same because you know how to deal with that. But what bad thing could really happen? Most of the time people already can sense the things left unsaid. Some people like the tension it causes when nothing will come of it but something could. We are pleasure delayers. If you could bottle pleasure, I'd have a whole cabinet full of it. Probably wouldn't even open any of it. It would be enough to know it's there. To know that I've got all that pleasure waiting for whenever I need it. But it's not the pleasure that's addicting, it's the build up. The mystery that builds up around things that you don't say. Simple things that become complex because they're suppressed. So many lies, so little time.

One blog to rule them all

They say you are only as good as your last blog. That being the case, I couldn't let myself be defined by the drunken Valentines Day blog. We all hit low points in our life. Hopefully the high points out shine them or at least balance them out. 2003 was a prolific time for me. I spent a lot of time driving in the car to and from work. I have this little digital recorder that I would use as a sketch pad for songs, poetry and ideas. When I got home, I usually make some noodles or hot dogs and then rush off to the coffee house to write. At that coffee house, I filled two college rule single subject note books, joined a writers club, met some great friends, and won my first poetry slam. My time spent at home was a non-stop period of learning to record and make beats, so I could listen to my own songs on my long commute.

Things inevitably changed. I grew board of the open mic scene, got lonely, met a girl, got promoted at work, got older, moved closer to work, lost a girl, fell into a rut, got another promotion at work that cracked my shell, and I feel like I've finally hatched. The thing I struggle with now is how to balance everything. I've developed some level of skill in writing and production and derive a lot of self worth from creating, but there is side of me that is prone to distraction. Movies, games, books, TV. They're easier than living, but not as fulfilling. I half crave half fear isolation, but I don't want to be a reclusive artist. Every day is still a struggle, but I don't have the bullshit of being poor lighting a fire under my ass anymore. It's a good thing, but we all tend to fight harder when we're at the bottom of the hill. The more I think about it, I still feel the same way I've always felt: almost happy, but not really. End Blog*

It's Valentines Day and I'm drunk

The title just about says it all. I bought a new bottle of Stoli today and am now three (double)white Russians in, like the dude. A friend recently pointed out that it's funny/ironic that the dude drinks white Russians because its a desert drink. I didn't realize it was a joke when I saw the movie. I just figured that James Bond had his Vodka dry martini and the dude had his white Russian. I digress. It's Valentines day, and I'm drunk in my apartment by myself.

I would like to take this moment to tell you about my latest love. It is a game called Battlefield 2142. It's an Internet based kill 'em all style game where you have two teams that try to kill each other. Sure, there is some pre-text about completing tasks, but the main part is that you shoot the bad guys. Unfortunately, the bad guys look a hell of a lot like the good guys, so I often end up losing points for what they call a "team kill." The cool/ultra-nerdy thing is that we all have headsets where we can talk to people on our team/squad to organize our actions via VOIP or Voice Over Internet Protocol. My friend Tony aka "PipeHttnMotha" has a server set up in his apartment that we all use as our chat server while we're playing. That way, we can organize and destroy the enemy Titan while the bad guys are still focussing on capturing missile silos. I just hit the rank of Master Sargent Gold, and have unlocked the more powerful sniper rifle. I know it sounds nerdy/confusing, but it's bad ass and you would love it.

I like to think of this as taking the next step in my addiction to video games/media. In the past year, I have virtually absorbed every single mediocre television drama thanks to Blockbuster online. I'm now tracking my favorite shows in real-time thanks to the Internet. Tell me Comcast, why should I buy cable when I can watch all the cool shows online for free? In 2006, I lost about 200 hours of my life to the video game Oblivion. My brother is to blame for introducing me to this gateway drug of video games. I strayed away from other such games for a while partly because I saw that it played a small but important role in destroying my last relationship. A few months ago, my brother moved to Madison. In an effort to still be part of his life, I bought BF2142. He might as well have handed me a glass pipe and a liter because I'm hooked, and there is no turning back. In the interest of saving my last shred of self respect, I must bid you end blog.

The bot likes me better than my cousin Derek

If you don't have myspace then you probably won't relate to this one.

I keep getting these friends requests from provocatively dressed vixens. They all say a variation of the same thing: "Hi I'm [hottie]. I'm new in town and I thought you looked cute. You should IM me at [insert IM address]."

I know it's a trick, but part of me can't help feeling flattered that this hot bot spends it's time pursuing me. When I say bot, I mean Internet robot/virus/spam protocol. I think they use them to fish your personal information to rip you off in some way. Here is it's picture. I know that those look like perfectly supple breasts, but underneath lies cold, soulless silicon. I said silicon as in computer chips not silicone as in breast implants. I do admit to finding her "come hither" look compelling.

I started to look forward to our chance encounters and even felt a little empty on the rare occasions when I logged in to my account and didn't see her/it's friends request. That is until X-Mas Eve at my Aunt Cathy's house. My cousin Derek was there, and he was showing me all the bands on his Myspace account. When he logged in, I was surprised to see that he had a friends request from the same bot. My bot. I couldn't help feeling a little gilted. She/it sure does get around. I don't care if it is a bot, I'd still hit it. Shut up, you would too!

Beans don't burn on the grill

I decided to wait a little while before writing about it to let the excitement die down. On Thursday, we had a big company meeting where they announced that we won a very large new client. They also unveiled a new organization structure for the entire company meant to make us more productive. After the meeting, the President of our division met with us individually to tell us where we fit in the new structure. Some people were anxious or worried about this because of the natural fear of change. I had the late shift on Thursday. I told them to put me last on the list for meetings, so that nobody would have to stay late for their meeting. My meeting didn't roll around until about 7:20pm. Needless to say, I was a little curious and anxious by then. The President went through a presentation about the new structure and the thoughts behind it. I probably slowed him down by asking too many questions. When he finally showed me where I fit in the new scheme of things, I noticed that I was a little higher up on the tree than I expected. They had promoted me. Then he pulled out the sheet with my new salary on it. All I had to say was "Hell yeah!" Then I asked about my key to the corporate garage, and he told me to "keep dreaming." Can't blame a guy for asking. For a day or two it was hard to wipe that shit eating grin off my face. The poker face is back now.

Chose your super powers wisely.

It's that time of night where I stop to consider which super power I would rather have if I had the chance to pick one. My top three include teleportation, telekinesis and mind reading. But these are too simplistic. How would my power really work? Tonight I'm gonna go with a form of teleportation.

Issues to consider: Accidentally teleporting into objects or people that stray into your path. How do you know where to teleport? How would you hide it from people? Could you take other people with you? How could you use it to enrich your life? What is the downside of your power? Does a star explode every time you use your power? Does it corrupt the earths orbit or cause electrons to spin the opposite direction around the nucleus or something crazy like that?

Here's what I came up with for my power, and I'm pretty sure it's full proof. It doesn't actually involve teleporting. Instead, the power is to open portals or "doors" of any shape/size. I can move the "doors" and reshape them with my mind. Part of the power is that I'm the only one that can see them, but other people can go through them as long as I am maintaining them with my mind. The cool thing is that, if I want to go to some place that I've never been, I can just keep moving the door while I look through it like a traveling TV, if you will. When I see the place I want to go, I just walk through. I don't know if it would be cheating to add any more conditions.

Things to worry about: Differences of air pressure on each side of the portal. If the portal gets opened in outer space or under water, would air go rushing out or water come rushing in? I might add the condition that the doors can be mentally switched to be one way only, so that differences in pressure don't represent a danger. That's it. May the blog be with you.